· A date is JUST a date. Learn to put dates into perspective. A date is not romantic, it is not your future, it is not love, it is not a dreamy Hollywood story of passion and ardor. And while a date may have elements of all those things IF there’s chemistry and attraction, don’t get too hung up on the chemistry and attraction. A date is a Online dating should be the means to an end, not the main attraction. Liz is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site. She’s battled online dating addiction and won. For more dating advice and tips, visit the popular We Love Dates blog · These online dating addiction signs should not be left out. Your compulsive usage of dating services has a detrimental effect on your personal life. Online dating addiction recovery. If the signs of online dating addiction mentioned in the article are true about you, most probably you’d like to deal with it and stop online dating addiction
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And many of my dear friends on the LAA boards have started to date again or want to dateafter a long winter of introspection and recovery work. But are they ready? Are you ready? Seize the day! Go for it! But a recovering love addict is a totally different, unique individual who has to approach dating with far more precaution than the average guy or girl. Just as a recovering alcoholic has to reconfigure the people, places and things in his sober life, so too does a recovering love addict.
And when you know this, the safer and more successful you will be. So, without further ado…. Know when you are really! ready to date. How do you know? Many love addicts who still have a person of addiction PoA on their brain long after the relationship has ended this is a torchbearer, by the way do so not because they still love them or think they will get back together, but as a form of protection.
If you are still emotionally attached to a person, it keeps you safe from having to date someone new, and thus, experience the possibility of new pain and rejection. In this latter case, the person is not ready to date. See Tip 4.
A date is JUST a date. Learn to put dates into perspective. A date is not romantic, it is not your future, it is not love, it is not a dreamy Hollywood story of passion and ardor. A date is a meeting. Someone finds you physically attractive or you find them physically attractive, or bothand they want to get to know you a bit more, watch put all ya online dating addicts.
They want to talk to you, maybe they even want to kiss you at the end of the night. Who knows! Whatever the case, treat it like a meeting. It might be fun but it might be awkward; it might make you happy, but it might make him never want to call back. WHen you meet up with someone for the purpose of getting to know you, and vice versus, you have to try and remove the romantic element, otherwise, you leave yourself open to fantasy and high expectations, which brings me to tip 3….
Lose the expectations. If you go into a date looking for your soulmate, you will probably be sorely disappointed. Why is that? We have high expecations too soon, or of the wrong people, and then, watch put all ya online dating addicts we see that our expectations are not getting met, we whine about it, but settle anyway.
And we also have to be willing to expect the same from ourselves. These are all unrealistic expectations and you are setting yourself up for a huge let down.
Expect NOTHING. And be happy. You are owed nothing. You went on this date to simply ENJOY this person now. Know the difference between dating and desperation. Are you ok with just you? Or are you looking for someone to save you? Can you handle being alone? Is it a combination of both of these things?
Knowing what is driving your desire to date can have a huge impact on WHO YOU CHOOSE to date. If you are OK within yourself then you can watch put all ya online dating addicts far more discerning with whom you choose to date. Because you have nothing to lose. You are simply dating because you would like to meet someone that you can enjoy. A love addict has to be on constant alert of his or her personal motives.
If you feel a void within you, you may pick and choose prospective dates for the wrong reasons. Remember, when we date, we are not looking for our second half. Healthy dating is about meeting other people who are also complete. Let things happen organically.
You can think about the wonderful feeling of his touch, but do not try on his name and imagine the two of you on an Alaskan Cruise as Honeymooners.
Letting things happen organically means living in the now. Gently push those wanting, needing and fantasy thoughts from your head and replace them with thoughts on your work, or what you are presently doing.
Remove the ruminating! Watch put all ya online dating addicts more you fantasize, or obsess the more you remove the organic nature of what is meant to happen versus what is not meant to happen. Trust me. Step away from the computer. One of the most important steps a recovering love addict can take is to abandon any idea of online dating. Say goodbye to it. Online dating sites are a petrie dish of toxicity for the love addict. Because love addicts need to learn to defer gratification, watch put all ya online dating addicts, control their susceptibility to fantasy, and be able to judge people realistically, online dating is a bad idea.
Online dating may be great for healthy people, but not for love addicts. Like it or not, you need to play by the antiquated, SAFE rules from days of yore. I say this not just to the women, but the men as well. Sex to a love addict is never taken lightly. It means something. It usually means a full blown commitment and an excuse to obsess over someone.
To sniff out a person for red flags FIRST, before making any heavy duty commitments, physical or otherwise. Why not make it about other stuff first? Sex on the first, second, third, etc. date is Russian Roulette to a love addict. Put it off. It can wait. More than that, it might save you from obsessing more than you would if you did have sex.
Do keep a journal. The perspective and instincts we have before we get to know someone intimately are amazingly sharp. I am convinced that every red flag a person might have pops up on the first or second date, if we really pay attention. Trouble is, when we want something bad enough, we are willing to ignore the red flags, and ignore our gut instincts, watch put all ya online dating addicts. Keeping watch put all ya online dating addicts journal helps us to stay on track and remember how we felt and what we sensed in those first hours.
What was your logical brain picking up on, versus your heart emotions? Looking back we always see with perfect vision. I know. It sounds counterintuitive when talking about dating. Not yet, anyway. Because we tend to be ruled by watch put all ya online dating addicts emotions and our logic goes right out the window.
We are imbalanced in this way. Our logical brain will pick up on abuse, red flags, neglect, shame and general danger. Our logical brains are screaming at us to leave a bad relationship. I love him!!!! You cannot be ruled by emotions only. You need a balance of both your head and your heart.
Trouble is, because we have been off balance for so many years, we need the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction. We need to depend more on our logical brain so that we begin to trust it again. IGNORE THEM. Focus on the brain.
On the logic. Turn back to your journal. Check for red flags. Be suspicious without acting overly suspicious.
Love Addiction, Codependency & Internet Dating
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